A circle is a symbol of unity, eternity, and completeness. The wedding ring represents eternal love and the persistently renewed promises of a couple. Some Scandinavian women wear three bands: one each for engagement, wedding, and motherhood. In medieval England, a bridegroom would slide the ring partway up his bride’s thumb, index, and middle finger, saying “In the name of Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” as he slid the ring up each finger. He then placed the ring on the next available finger, the third finger of the left hand. Today, the wedding ring is an easily identifiable indication of marital commitment. Luanne and her husband-to-be had special matching gold bands made for all members of their blended family. The family members exchanged the rings during the couple’s wedding ceremony.’ (I loved this idea!)
If you have ever been married, had children and then found yourself single again, no matter what the reason, this book is for you! Author Diana Lesire Brandmeyer and Co-Author Marty C. Lintvedt (a licensed, nationally certified professional counselor), through the writing of We’re Not Blended We’re Pureed have given us a list of what to expect, what not to expect and what you might never have dreamed of expecting, if you take your family and combine it with another. They cover everything from how to plan the wedding, while including the kids to which home is the most practical to take up residence in. Diana, through her own experience, as well as the experiences of others, walks you through the emotions that you may find yourself feeling, those that your soon-to-be or already new spouse may feel, and just as importantly, the feelings the children may be feel. And she doesn’t stop there!
Some of the topics brought to light are simple things such as…do I take my kids to your dentist or their own dentist or do find a new one for all of them? Same with pediatricians. In her own experience, she moved over an hour away from her home as well as her 2 son’s old fashioned doctor who didn’t mind being called in the middle of the night. Her new stepson’s pediatrician is stuffy and makes her feel incompetent when asking questions. And since she did agree to move into her new husband’s home, what happens to her own home? Can they afford the upkeep on both or should they sell hers? And how does she make his home hers? Since the house originally belonged to he and his deceased wife, there are memories in every nook. Can she change these and start new memories?
And then there are the kids themselves. Diana, who also lost her husband, has 2 sons. Her new husband has 1. Her sons follow a routine requiring them to be in bed at set times at night and rising early. Her stepson is quite the opposite. He stays up late and sleeps late. Who takes control in making the changes…husband or wife? Or should there be a new set of rules set into play?
Authors Diana Lesire Brandmeyer and Marty C. Lintvedt, go on and on bringing up one possibility after another. They hits on things that I personally would have never thought of. There's religion, holidays, money and of course the deceased’s surviving family to consider. And one topic I would have missed completely is adoption. Should the kids be adopted by their new parent or left with who they already are? And most important…how do the kids feel about not just the adoption but all topics. It seems that for a lot of us out there, we think about what we want and forget to ask the kids how they feel about our decisions, which is a mistake. Your decisions will affect their lives too.
I could go on and on about this book as it goes on and on all the way into the empty nest stage, but I won’t because I want you to read it for yourself. We’re Not Blended We’re Pureed is one of the best books I’ve ever seen in offering help for families that are planning blending. The ideas, suggestions and experience given to us by the author is without a doubt... priceless.